It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is Oprah even human
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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