Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
