i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
