Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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