what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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