peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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