There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
