Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
