remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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