fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
