We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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