You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
