if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
