She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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