There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
