You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
