____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
