he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
