Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
