the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
