I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
