What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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