1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
