just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
