I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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