Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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