Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
