A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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