She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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