i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
