I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
