You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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