I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
