You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
