so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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