it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
