he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
