so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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