i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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