i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
