you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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