i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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