I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
