I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My penis needs a shock collar
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
