I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
