the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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