Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
