i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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