she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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