Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
