I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
