I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize