I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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