i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
