I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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