You just made me feel so damn special
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want nice things and good sex
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
