just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
