He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
