why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
