there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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