I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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