Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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