I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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