dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
