it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
