I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
