I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
