I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize