i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
