Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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