I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
