A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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