I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
