my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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