pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
