is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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