Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
