you traded sex for a burrito?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
