so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
