my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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